Right I've just watched loose women, a program I used to love and found quite entertaining. But recently I have come to realise the novelty of the program has worn off and I've come to see that the so called 'Loose' women are just a bunch of childish middle ages women who think they have strong moral opinions, when really they talk a load of bollocks!
Jackie Brandels- looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. Come on love... your the main presenter of the show... at least book in for a blowdry before you go on air.
Coleen- her personality is expressed through her tits. Every joke, declarative or when ever a handsome male guest comes on the show... her tits always have to have a mention! Put them alway pal... your hardly showing how much of strong minded woman you really are when every conversation begins with you feeling your knockers!
Carol- Now I used to like Carol. She was the type of woman you'd wanna go out with and get hammered with... because that was all she seemed to be interested in... having a good time. Then she completely contradicted herself and got herself a young toy boy... sure women do have needs... but still you let me down!
Jane- Where do I begin... common and loud! Yet she is still classed as classy because she shops at NEXT!
But the worse woman on that show (forgive me if I've mentioned her before when bloggering but she is really started to get on my tits!) The Malteaser woman on the sponser advert!
Will someone shoot her please! 190 calories... you need new ways to b naughty. I'm not being funny but at the rate of packets of malteasers she's eating I think she's being more then a little 'naughty'. Maybe thats all she eats! Malteasers! God you won't invited her round for tea would you? All she'd do is eat a packet of malteasers and do something naughty!
Well do you wanna know what you are love
An annoying fucking, ugly, fat, pedamorphic, plain, common, typical boring bitch... who makes every single woman in this country look bad!
Just fuck off!
x
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Mad Libs!
I'm bord so I'm doing Mad Libs online and amusing myself
Here are some of them
Learn to be rock star!
I'm at a new school. Its name is “The Mark Heaton School for Rock Stars.” The courses here are fat!
My first assignment is to learn to play the spoons and sing like a rock star. To be a good rock star, I'm supposed to hump around a lot, to finger across the stage, and to wank at the audience. I did not act like that at my old school, so I think I'll have to work on it for a while; this will be interesting homework.
My second assignment is to learn to have an entourage, which is a group of people that always seems to follow around a rock star. I have a lot of friends, but for this assignment I suddenly have 9000001 people following me around, telling me how hairy I am, how they really like my thong, and how I am the most ugly person ever. I can't be sure, but I think they are just saying that.
My final assignment is to put on a rock concert. I have to arrive in a(n) shag wagon and walk the green carpet, past all the fucking fans with cameras flashing in my face. Then, when I get inside, my entourage will be there and I will rim with them to the stage. Next, I'll perform 13 songs, all while pooing across the stage, singing, and fisting at the audience. This will be the toughest final exam I've ever had, and the one I'll never forget!
(sorry about this one... I honestly couldn't stop laughing though when I read it)
Here are some of them
Learn to be rock star!
I'm at a new school. Its name is “The Mark Heaton School for Rock Stars.” The courses here are fat!
My first assignment is to learn to play the spoons and sing like a rock star. To be a good rock star, I'm supposed to hump around a lot, to finger across the stage, and to wank at the audience. I did not act like that at my old school, so I think I'll have to work on it for a while; this will be interesting homework.
My second assignment is to learn to have an entourage, which is a group of people that always seems to follow around a rock star. I have a lot of friends, but for this assignment I suddenly have 9000001 people following me around, telling me how hairy I am, how they really like my thong, and how I am the most ugly person ever. I can't be sure, but I think they are just saying that.
My final assignment is to put on a rock concert. I have to arrive in a(n) shag wagon and walk the green carpet, past all the fucking fans with cameras flashing in my face. Then, when I get inside, my entourage will be there and I will rim with them to the stage. Next, I'll perform 13 songs, all while pooing across the stage, singing, and fisting at the audience. This will be the toughest final exam I've ever had, and the one I'll never forget!
(sorry about this one... I honestly couldn't stop laughing though when I read it)
The Camping Trip
It was a cold, perverted night. Vicky and Karen licked out around the campfire, boning songs and eating bananas.
Soon they got tired, climbed into their douche bags, and eventually fell asleep. Suddenly, they were both wide awake. There was a loud groping sound outside the tent. Karen grabbed Vicky's fury gorge and held on for dear life. Vicky started chanting, “Lions and pubes and herpies, oh my!” over and over again.
Then into their tent fell their friend Toni. Toni had been thirsty and had gone into the house for some piss. Now the piss was on the floor of their tent. But they all had a good laugh and went back to sleep.
It turned out to be a very fit camping trip. And maybe next time they'll even leave Karen's backyard.
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
How Refreshing!
Right I just had the most ridiculous and spontaneous idea ever, an urge so strong I just had to do it! (No it’s not stealing milk from the neighbours).
I was having a cig at the back door and saw my dog having a great time in the rain… she just looked so happy prancing around getting wet and trying to catch the drips off the car port roof in her mouth. This is when I came to the conclusion about something… I don’t know about you lot (the ones that own pets I should add) that when you look at a animal, especially when your feeling a bit down, and think wouldn’t life be so much simpler if you where in their position.
So I thought I’d take a leaf out of my dog’s book. I put out my cig and just stood in the rain. It was freezing… deathly cold… I didn’t even put shoes on… my feet hurt from the stones underfoot. But for that moment I didn’t care… not one bit… not about the wind… the rain… nothing! Just like my dog! It was just an amazing experience stood their looking up at the rain. You never do that you see. You appreciate the sun and can spend hours soaking it up… but never the rain… when really rain is more impression then sun… sure I do prefer the sunshine… but every so often just experiencing the feeling of the rain can be a truly amazing thing.
x
I was having a cig at the back door and saw my dog having a great time in the rain… she just looked so happy prancing around getting wet and trying to catch the drips off the car port roof in her mouth. This is when I came to the conclusion about something… I don’t know about you lot (the ones that own pets I should add) that when you look at a animal, especially when your feeling a bit down, and think wouldn’t life be so much simpler if you where in their position.
So I thought I’d take a leaf out of my dog’s book. I put out my cig and just stood in the rain. It was freezing… deathly cold… I didn’t even put shoes on… my feet hurt from the stones underfoot. But for that moment I didn’t care… not one bit… not about the wind… the rain… nothing! Just like my dog! It was just an amazing experience stood their looking up at the rain. You never do that you see. You appreciate the sun and can spend hours soaking it up… but never the rain… when really rain is more impression then sun… sure I do prefer the sunshine… but every so often just experiencing the feeling of the rain can be a truly amazing thing.
x
Sunday, 22 March 2009
Thursday, 19 March 2009
The only 3 people awake in the entire world!
Firsty this blog isn't about my situation I experienced last night when dropping my friend Karen off at her house last night at 1am... its about a story I got told today.
When I was born I was a "delightful" baby according to certain sources. I would eat when I needed food. I slept when I needed sleep. I was healthy, happy, a pleasure to any parent. The reason being was because I had to be. My older sister was a bit more awkward, but nevertheless my mum loved us both equally.
What I'm going to talk about is my 4am feed. Like clockwork, every morning I would wake up at 4am and like any demanding queer, I expected to be fed! This was the job of my mother. The woman who carried me for 9 months. When she tells me this story I don't feel she felt it was so much of a chore but something she looked forward to do. She would come into my room and see me in my cot. She would turn on the oil-filled radiator to turn my small front bedroom at 4 Kilburn Grove into a cosy little cacoon. She would then go downstairs and make me my bottle. When she arrived back she to the pre-heated room, she would turn on the radio. We where the only 3 people awake in the entire world... she says. Me, my mum and the man on the radio. This man told me and my mum all about the wars going on in the world... informed us that the Berlin wall was being pulled down... and all other happenings which occured when the rest of the world decided to wake up. But at that moment nothing bad would be happening. How can anyone do anything bad when they're asleep?
I bet she would look at me and think of all the things I would accomplish. "Will he be a scientist, a musican, a footballer, a hairdresser, a fireman, a vet, a drug dealer". What ever the answer to the retorical question was... it didn't matter... since sooner or late when everyone would wake up that interrogative would be answered.
x
When I was born I was a "delightful" baby according to certain sources. I would eat when I needed food. I slept when I needed sleep. I was healthy, happy, a pleasure to any parent. The reason being was because I had to be. My older sister was a bit more awkward, but nevertheless my mum loved us both equally.
What I'm going to talk about is my 4am feed. Like clockwork, every morning I would wake up at 4am and like any demanding queer, I expected to be fed! This was the job of my mother. The woman who carried me for 9 months. When she tells me this story I don't feel she felt it was so much of a chore but something she looked forward to do. She would come into my room and see me in my cot. She would turn on the oil-filled radiator to turn my small front bedroom at 4 Kilburn Grove into a cosy little cacoon. She would then go downstairs and make me my bottle. When she arrived back she to the pre-heated room, she would turn on the radio. We where the only 3 people awake in the entire world... she says. Me, my mum and the man on the radio. This man told me and my mum all about the wars going on in the world... informed us that the Berlin wall was being pulled down... and all other happenings which occured when the rest of the world decided to wake up. But at that moment nothing bad would be happening. How can anyone do anything bad when they're asleep?
I bet she would look at me and think of all the things I would accomplish. "Will he be a scientist, a musican, a footballer, a hairdresser, a fireman, a vet, a drug dealer". What ever the answer to the retorical question was... it didn't matter... since sooner or late when everyone would wake up that interrogative would be answered.
x
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
WTF Facebook!
Many of you agree with me here when saying the new facebook is a load of rubbish! The entire layout if you ask me seems to much and I much prefer the old simple version.
Sure the new facebook chance has caused a lot of debates between folk... whether at work, school, college, even if your just on the bus you hear people discussing it... but you hear most peoples opinions... on facebook. You get status' with declarative like...
Sure the new facebook chance has caused a lot of debates between folk... whether at work, school, college, even if your just on the bus you hear people discussing it... but you hear most peoples opinions... on facebook. You get status' with declarative like...
- (Name) thinks the new facebook is wank
- (Name) hates facebook now!!!!!!
- (Name) dunt lik v new facbuk :( xoxox
I'm one of these people who have wrote one of these types of negative statements and since I support the movement to chance the facebook back to what is was... people who are complaining about people complaining about facebook ARE PISSING ME OFF!
The small minority of people who either don't care about the new change or like the new change in my opinion should keep their opinions to themselves! The majority have spoken so therefore in conclusion facebook should have never been changed!
Don't try and sound all contraversial and go against the masses... shut the fuck up!
Tossers!
x
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