Heres the deal. I'm embracing my single lifestyle. Every single single person has at some point said... "I love being single... I feel so free... So alive" and all the other cliche bullshit people try and convince themselves they actually believe when really... they're lying. Well in recent weeks I have turned these cliche declaratives into reality! I'm actually enjoying being single... and replacing a cock with a drink or two or three instead. And you wanna know something I'm having the time of my life.
For example last night... I went out with my gayboys, and had one of the best nights of my life! Sure I got off with guys... let a few guys grope me here and there... but this time it was for different reasons. Before hand if I got off with a guy and he decided to feel my bum or insisted I stroked his "big hard cock" I did it because I thought it made me feel good about myself... made me feel attractive... made me feel wanted... then the whole "Wanna come back to my house" conversation came up... and being a bit insercure the answer was usually ok... because I felt I need to carry on letting this guy grope me in order to make me feel better. But in past weeks my approach towards these guys... the ones who think if they shove a sambucca down your throat they can shove a finger up your arse... if I get off with someone... whether they are a gentleman or not... its because I want to... not because I need to. I'm doing things because I find it fun, not because I think its fun. I'm taking control of situations and saying no because I know the next day I wish I had said no. Sure this has resulted in a dry patch for me when it comes to getting laid. But I really don't care.
I'm happy and content... and even the biggest, hardest cock from the sexiest guy which would last a night can't make me feel any better then I do right now
:)
Sunday, 3 May 2009
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
Why does she piss me off sooooooo much?
Right I've just watched loose women, a program I used to love and found quite entertaining. But recently I have come to realise the novelty of the program has worn off and I've come to see that the so called 'Loose' women are just a bunch of childish middle ages women who think they have strong moral opinions, when really they talk a load of bollocks!
Jackie Brandels- looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. Come on love... your the main presenter of the show... at least book in for a blowdry before you go on air.
Coleen- her personality is expressed through her tits. Every joke, declarative or when ever a handsome male guest comes on the show... her tits always have to have a mention! Put them alway pal... your hardly showing how much of strong minded woman you really are when every conversation begins with you feeling your knockers!
Carol- Now I used to like Carol. She was the type of woman you'd wanna go out with and get hammered with... because that was all she seemed to be interested in... having a good time. Then she completely contradicted herself and got herself a young toy boy... sure women do have needs... but still you let me down!
Jane- Where do I begin... common and loud! Yet she is still classed as classy because she shops at NEXT!
But the worse woman on that show (forgive me if I've mentioned her before when bloggering but she is really started to get on my tits!) The Malteaser woman on the sponser advert!
Will someone shoot her please! 190 calories... you need new ways to b naughty. I'm not being funny but at the rate of packets of malteasers she's eating I think she's being more then a little 'naughty'. Maybe thats all she eats! Malteasers! God you won't invited her round for tea would you? All she'd do is eat a packet of malteasers and do something naughty!
Well do you wanna know what you are love
An annoying fucking, ugly, fat, pedamorphic, plain, common, typical boring bitch... who makes every single woman in this country look bad!
Just fuck off!
x
Jackie Brandels- looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards. Come on love... your the main presenter of the show... at least book in for a blowdry before you go on air.
Coleen- her personality is expressed through her tits. Every joke, declarative or when ever a handsome male guest comes on the show... her tits always have to have a mention! Put them alway pal... your hardly showing how much of strong minded woman you really are when every conversation begins with you feeling your knockers!
Carol- Now I used to like Carol. She was the type of woman you'd wanna go out with and get hammered with... because that was all she seemed to be interested in... having a good time. Then she completely contradicted herself and got herself a young toy boy... sure women do have needs... but still you let me down!
Jane- Where do I begin... common and loud! Yet she is still classed as classy because she shops at NEXT!
But the worse woman on that show (forgive me if I've mentioned her before when bloggering but she is really started to get on my tits!) The Malteaser woman on the sponser advert!
Will someone shoot her please! 190 calories... you need new ways to b naughty. I'm not being funny but at the rate of packets of malteasers she's eating I think she's being more then a little 'naughty'. Maybe thats all she eats! Malteasers! God you won't invited her round for tea would you? All she'd do is eat a packet of malteasers and do something naughty!
Well do you wanna know what you are love
An annoying fucking, ugly, fat, pedamorphic, plain, common, typical boring bitch... who makes every single woman in this country look bad!
Just fuck off!
x
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Mad Libs!
I'm bord so I'm doing Mad Libs online and amusing myself
Here are some of them
Learn to be rock star!
I'm at a new school. Its name is “The Mark Heaton School for Rock Stars.” The courses here are fat!
My first assignment is to learn to play the spoons and sing like a rock star. To be a good rock star, I'm supposed to hump around a lot, to finger across the stage, and to wank at the audience. I did not act like that at my old school, so I think I'll have to work on it for a while; this will be interesting homework.
My second assignment is to learn to have an entourage, which is a group of people that always seems to follow around a rock star. I have a lot of friends, but for this assignment I suddenly have 9000001 people following me around, telling me how hairy I am, how they really like my thong, and how I am the most ugly person ever. I can't be sure, but I think they are just saying that.
My final assignment is to put on a rock concert. I have to arrive in a(n) shag wagon and walk the green carpet, past all the fucking fans with cameras flashing in my face. Then, when I get inside, my entourage will be there and I will rim with them to the stage. Next, I'll perform 13 songs, all while pooing across the stage, singing, and fisting at the audience. This will be the toughest final exam I've ever had, and the one I'll never forget!
(sorry about this one... I honestly couldn't stop laughing though when I read it)
Here are some of them
Learn to be rock star!
I'm at a new school. Its name is “The Mark Heaton School for Rock Stars.” The courses here are fat!
My first assignment is to learn to play the spoons and sing like a rock star. To be a good rock star, I'm supposed to hump around a lot, to finger across the stage, and to wank at the audience. I did not act like that at my old school, so I think I'll have to work on it for a while; this will be interesting homework.
My second assignment is to learn to have an entourage, which is a group of people that always seems to follow around a rock star. I have a lot of friends, but for this assignment I suddenly have 9000001 people following me around, telling me how hairy I am, how they really like my thong, and how I am the most ugly person ever. I can't be sure, but I think they are just saying that.
My final assignment is to put on a rock concert. I have to arrive in a(n) shag wagon and walk the green carpet, past all the fucking fans with cameras flashing in my face. Then, when I get inside, my entourage will be there and I will rim with them to the stage. Next, I'll perform 13 songs, all while pooing across the stage, singing, and fisting at the audience. This will be the toughest final exam I've ever had, and the one I'll never forget!
(sorry about this one... I honestly couldn't stop laughing though when I read it)
The Camping Trip
It was a cold, perverted night. Vicky and Karen licked out around the campfire, boning songs and eating bananas.
Soon they got tired, climbed into their douche bags, and eventually fell asleep. Suddenly, they were both wide awake. There was a loud groping sound outside the tent. Karen grabbed Vicky's fury gorge and held on for dear life. Vicky started chanting, “Lions and pubes and herpies, oh my!” over and over again.
Then into their tent fell their friend Toni. Toni had been thirsty and had gone into the house for some piss. Now the piss was on the floor of their tent. But they all had a good laugh and went back to sleep.
It turned out to be a very fit camping trip. And maybe next time they'll even leave Karen's backyard.
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
How Refreshing!
Right I just had the most ridiculous and spontaneous idea ever, an urge so strong I just had to do it! (No it’s not stealing milk from the neighbours).
I was having a cig at the back door and saw my dog having a great time in the rain… she just looked so happy prancing around getting wet and trying to catch the drips off the car port roof in her mouth. This is when I came to the conclusion about something… I don’t know about you lot (the ones that own pets I should add) that when you look at a animal, especially when your feeling a bit down, and think wouldn’t life be so much simpler if you where in their position.
So I thought I’d take a leaf out of my dog’s book. I put out my cig and just stood in the rain. It was freezing… deathly cold… I didn’t even put shoes on… my feet hurt from the stones underfoot. But for that moment I didn’t care… not one bit… not about the wind… the rain… nothing! Just like my dog! It was just an amazing experience stood their looking up at the rain. You never do that you see. You appreciate the sun and can spend hours soaking it up… but never the rain… when really rain is more impression then sun… sure I do prefer the sunshine… but every so often just experiencing the feeling of the rain can be a truly amazing thing.
x
I was having a cig at the back door and saw my dog having a great time in the rain… she just looked so happy prancing around getting wet and trying to catch the drips off the car port roof in her mouth. This is when I came to the conclusion about something… I don’t know about you lot (the ones that own pets I should add) that when you look at a animal, especially when your feeling a bit down, and think wouldn’t life be so much simpler if you where in their position.
So I thought I’d take a leaf out of my dog’s book. I put out my cig and just stood in the rain. It was freezing… deathly cold… I didn’t even put shoes on… my feet hurt from the stones underfoot. But for that moment I didn’t care… not one bit… not about the wind… the rain… nothing! Just like my dog! It was just an amazing experience stood their looking up at the rain. You never do that you see. You appreciate the sun and can spend hours soaking it up… but never the rain… when really rain is more impression then sun… sure I do prefer the sunshine… but every so often just experiencing the feeling of the rain can be a truly amazing thing.
x
Sunday, 22 March 2009
Thursday, 19 March 2009
The only 3 people awake in the entire world!
Firsty this blog isn't about my situation I experienced last night when dropping my friend Karen off at her house last night at 1am... its about a story I got told today.
When I was born I was a "delightful" baby according to certain sources. I would eat when I needed food. I slept when I needed sleep. I was healthy, happy, a pleasure to any parent. The reason being was because I had to be. My older sister was a bit more awkward, but nevertheless my mum loved us both equally.
What I'm going to talk about is my 4am feed. Like clockwork, every morning I would wake up at 4am and like any demanding queer, I expected to be fed! This was the job of my mother. The woman who carried me for 9 months. When she tells me this story I don't feel she felt it was so much of a chore but something she looked forward to do. She would come into my room and see me in my cot. She would turn on the oil-filled radiator to turn my small front bedroom at 4 Kilburn Grove into a cosy little cacoon. She would then go downstairs and make me my bottle. When she arrived back she to the pre-heated room, she would turn on the radio. We where the only 3 people awake in the entire world... she says. Me, my mum and the man on the radio. This man told me and my mum all about the wars going on in the world... informed us that the Berlin wall was being pulled down... and all other happenings which occured when the rest of the world decided to wake up. But at that moment nothing bad would be happening. How can anyone do anything bad when they're asleep?
I bet she would look at me and think of all the things I would accomplish. "Will he be a scientist, a musican, a footballer, a hairdresser, a fireman, a vet, a drug dealer". What ever the answer to the retorical question was... it didn't matter... since sooner or late when everyone would wake up that interrogative would be answered.
x
When I was born I was a "delightful" baby according to certain sources. I would eat when I needed food. I slept when I needed sleep. I was healthy, happy, a pleasure to any parent. The reason being was because I had to be. My older sister was a bit more awkward, but nevertheless my mum loved us both equally.
What I'm going to talk about is my 4am feed. Like clockwork, every morning I would wake up at 4am and like any demanding queer, I expected to be fed! This was the job of my mother. The woman who carried me for 9 months. When she tells me this story I don't feel she felt it was so much of a chore but something she looked forward to do. She would come into my room and see me in my cot. She would turn on the oil-filled radiator to turn my small front bedroom at 4 Kilburn Grove into a cosy little cacoon. She would then go downstairs and make me my bottle. When she arrived back she to the pre-heated room, she would turn on the radio. We where the only 3 people awake in the entire world... she says. Me, my mum and the man on the radio. This man told me and my mum all about the wars going on in the world... informed us that the Berlin wall was being pulled down... and all other happenings which occured when the rest of the world decided to wake up. But at that moment nothing bad would be happening. How can anyone do anything bad when they're asleep?
I bet she would look at me and think of all the things I would accomplish. "Will he be a scientist, a musican, a footballer, a hairdresser, a fireman, a vet, a drug dealer". What ever the answer to the retorical question was... it didn't matter... since sooner or late when everyone would wake up that interrogative would be answered.
x
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