Wow its been a while!

Where do I begin?

The Next sale came and went... what a bag of shite that was... enough said on that...

Christmas and New Year came and went... it was ok... got pissed... so it was good I guess.

and I started back at college... which I like as it means I'm getting back into my routine and the swing of things.

But was I'm going to talk about in this blog is how people can come and go in and out of your life so quickly.

Recently I've really liked someone. I mean really liked someone. You know that feeling where you actually feel sick because you like them so much... thats how I felt.

It was a stupid crush which just didn't work out... but I still find it unusual that some people do come into your life... fuck it up... and then go! And when I say go I don't necessarily mean literally... metaphorically to.

2009 I made a few New Years resolutions... which haven't worked out already and its only been 14 days into the year.

1. Quit smoking: - I haven't necessarily quit... I've cut down... alot! And that I'm happy about. So all those who think I have no willpower... fuck em... I'm proud of my accumplishment!
2. Be more organised: - Well its not exactly worked out how I planned considering I only got up about a hour ago... but still I've not had any assignments or anythin yet so i don't surpose I've had anything to major to organise.
3. Find nice, reliable man: - And have I... have I fudge! The only nice, reliable men I know are either straight or have some other equally complicating situation which stands in between any sort of relationship we could have. Yet at the same time all the perverted, weird, childish guys out there are all over you like a fly to a dog turd! Well surpose thats just how the world is. I'm planning on buying a pet to forful my single sad life lol. And I really want a fish!

Well I better be getting up

Bye

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How thoughtful are those people at Boots?

Now its getting nearer christmas... and most people instead of going out partying with there other halves might decide inside to stay in, instead of going out in the bitterly cold weather. You all know what its like... dim lights... log fire... the royal variety performance on tv. And then one thing leads to another... and your at it like rabbits. Sure this most likely the stereotypical thought of a romantic night in when really its a few cans, a take way pizza and a quick shag... but nevertheless those clever people at Boots are ready and stocked up for the occasion.

When walking into Boots yesterday... one of the first things I saw where Durex condoms. Sure for a one night stand a few condoms is all you need... but no... Boots are prepared for making that romantic night in a little bit more... intension. As next to them where a huge variety of Durex lubricants... which is apparently "All you need". The you have your typical cock rings and body lotions... to bring Christmas 2008 in with a bang... literally.

And what I was most impressed was... next to all these... pregnancy tests. See! How clever? Obv the managers where thinking...

"Right everyone its Christmas... lets make sure the shelves are fully stocked up with Durex this and Durex that... and don't forget to put some pregnancy tests next to them... I mean lets face it... if you've got a bun in the oven... what more you want for Christmas".

So all I can say is... Well done Boots! I like your thinking.

Only problem is... for the sad singletons like myself... your just rubbing it in our faces

You evil, evil, BASTARDS!

Happy Holidays

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How Much Of a Faghag are you?

Right I want to get something straight, just because you hang out with a queer... doesn't automatically make you a faghag... there are rules and regulations you have to go by in order to become a faghag. And here they are.

1. Most importantly... someone who says they are a faghag... is not a faghag. Its like being cool. To be cool you don't go round telling everyone your cool... you just know... or other people say it to you. A true faghag doesn't brag about her gay best friend, their gay best friend brags about them.
2. You must be good looking. There is no such thing as a ugly faghag...
3. You must have been shopping with your gay bff. Primark doesn't count.
4. Your gay bff must no the in's and out's or your personal life. If you feel to ashamed, and miss out the knitty gritty details... your not a faghag.
5. You must like a drink or two... or three... or four.
6. You must be able to walk into a club with ur gayboy and look bord. That way you look like you own the place.
7. You must be willing to shut up for most of the time in a conversation with your fag and be able to listen to them talk about nothing but themselves.
8. You must act like you love yourself more then your fag. No faghag should depend on their fag... otherwise they just look like a P.A.
9. Quotes like "Me and my gay best friend go shopping" aren't allowed. People should be saying to you I wish I had a gayboy to go shopping with.
10. Your gay comes before your guy!
11. Your guy must like your gay.
12. The scene is a good night out... not a let down because there isn't anyone to get off with.
13. Class is essential!
14. You must enjoy the following films: - Bring it On, Mean Girls, Sex and the City, Clueless
15. You must enjoy the following musicians: - Britney, Madonna, Kylie

Follow these points and you'll have a gay old time

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Damn common people!

Guess what guys and girls! I've joined a gym! Thats right... I'm actually getting off my backside and getting fit. There once was a time when the idea of going the gym seemed like being kicked in the nuts... but I've actually grown to like going... and I feel its got to a point where I can add it on my CV under "Hobbies and Interests". So now if I hand a CV into a protencial employer they'll be thinking... was a young, independant man... we'll want him to work at our place.

What I like the most about the gym is I feel I have become a Yuppie... a young professional. I commute to my work placement and buy frappachinos from Starbucks. I own a fashionable trench coat, from Topman... but if anyone asks, its D&G ;) I carry around a man-bag with my, aka a puff bag... but still it goes well with my River Island scarf... and I listen to Radio1. I'm not a college student... I'm a trainee hairdresser I'll have you know... and I'm loving life as one of the many people who experience the hussle and bussle of work life.

Now at this point of my blog I'm sure your all thinking "Well why is the subject of his post, sound so angry towards the common people of the world". Well let me get onto that part.

I've been ill today... stomach pains... but after having about 5 poos today I think I've shit the bastard out my system and I'm feeling much better. So I thought whilst I'm on the mens I'll nip to the gym. Anyway my gym is the Profiles gym at the Robin Park Arena. To my dissapointment their must have been some sort of event on at the JJB. So the car park was packed! But the clever people who work at Robin Park made a nice little One way system around the car park... so that all the common people of the world could easily drive around looking for a hopeful space. Anyway some of these people where obviously to stupid to master this one way system and ended up driving the opposite way round towards me. Now if this was one person I would understand and without sounding sexist I'd just tut to myself "woman driver" or if I'm being more specific "woman driver driving a Land Rover discovery with 3 children in the back and an embarassed looking husband in the passenger seat. But it wasn't just one car going the wrong way it was several! This ment I think had to reverse all the way round this tight one way system... being careful not to crash into any of the randomly parked cars on curbs etc.

Damn common people!!!!!!!!!!!

How hard is it to use a one way system... obviously it must be too hard for some!

So in the end I got fed up and drove home. So thanks to them idiots I missed out on a Friday evening workout! Hope your happy with yourselves!!!!!!

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I wanna live here!

This advert fasinates me! In a world or crime, poverty and Lily Allen... you can't help but feel... why the hell is the world so harsh. But just by watching this advert can give you a positive outlook on all mankind.

Sure the commercial is advertising Monarch Scooters... but I feel there is a subtle message behind the simple layout of the advert. The neighbourhood all these "disabled" folk live seems to be the ideal place to live. Everyone seems happy and knows one another. There seems to be not that much traffic... as everyone is driving around on their little scooters in the middle of the streets and there are not children or youths hanging on street corners, playing "curby" so setting off home made fireworks. What a delightful place??? Then again places like that must be on the top end of the market so would most likely set you back a penny or two to buy just a simple one bedroomed terraced. No wonder their clothes look like they've been bought from Oxfam.

Another thought of the day is this... Paul O'Grady is a tosser! Now before you start moaning... I did watch todays show and I had to say I thought it was very sweet what he did for that lady in the audience but regardless I think he's a idiot.

His show is based on these 5 things:-

• An ugly, smelly looking dog... which has become so much of a novalty you can win a Noddy Buster... whoop whoop!... not!
• Stupid sexual referances like... "let me go over here and play with my organ"... come on Paul mate... its a tea time television program... we don't need visual images of you banging on out whilst eating our Spag Bol!
• Arse licking guests! Paul no one cares your friends with Cila Black... I mean for god sake... someone as to be! And no Russell Brand isn't sexy!
• Ethnic minority child. Seriously... their either black, asian or Irish... I'm sure he just borrows them from Kerry Katona.
• And finally a bunch of men who help out on the show they you can tell either work in the canteen or is the productions handy men. And at every possible moment are force to take their clothes off so the middle aged women in the audience can scream and wolf whistle. Come on please if I wanted to see a fat black man and a man with a body off baywatch but a face off crimewatch, I'd just go the Hub on a Saturday night.

And thats it. The same 5 things happen of each show.

Now Loose Women, thats a show I can relate to. An hour about talking about how shit men are and shoes is my kinda program. I don't wanna "join the party every week day at 5 oclock"... I wanna know about important things... Like how many calories a Starbucks contains... and what men really want in bed... and will I ever find love... See important things.

So do me a favour Paul and piss off... I preferred you when you where a woman.

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Happy Meals really do bring a smile to your face...

Yesterday I went to visit my friend in hospital. I won't mention their name because its not my place to say who it actually is in hospital, but yeah last night I was at Wigan Hospital visiting my friend.

She has had a lot of health problems over the past few years and for the life of me I couldn't tell you how serious her condition is... as she seems to suffer from a lot of different things.

She went into hospital last Sunday, and she thought she was going to be discharged last night... but then got told she had to stay in for another week. So I thought I'd go and see how she is. She hadn't eaten all week. She said she didn't feel like it... and I'm not surprised... hospital food is hardly eating at the Ritz.

She was talking about how she wanted to order a pizza from Kebab King down the road... but we both came to the conclusion they wouldn't order to Langtree Ward. So I offered to go to McDonalds for her. She wanted a Chicken Nugget Happy Meal, and I wanted a double cheese burger... I mean it would be rude of me not to join her lol.

So I went to get her grub for her and muggled our fest past the miserable nurses at the desk. Her face seemed to light up at the sight of McDonalds. I didn't know if this was because she was starving or it was a sign that their is still life outside the four walls of her ward. Being in a hospital bed for a week must feel like being in prison.

We watched Hollyoaks and talked about how glad we where that Tina McQueen died... we didn't like her. She then infronted me about what was happening next week in Hollyoaks, and Corrie. I don't like Corrie but still I thought I'd just listen to what she had to say. I could tell she'd been reading all the gossip mags cover to cover the past week.

She's now been moved to Manchester for a operation. I wanna go and see her but I'll have to fine out where the place is before its set in stone.

It weird when you see people in hospital you think your life is a piece of piss compared to what their going through... all I care about now is her getting better.

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Well isn't that just the cats Pyjamas

I have internet back!

Don't worry I didn't leave you. I'm still alive and well.

To be honest nothing to exciting has happened in my life... well nothing exciting which you would actually care about. So feel free to stop reading now...

Anyway I love my hairdressing course. I'm just itching to qualify and be employed somewhere... but I think I have a good few years and a lot of practise before I'm good enough to be at that standard... I mean lets face it... I've only been doing it for 5 weeks.

Other then that I'm completely off men. I realised I was becoming someone I kept saying I wasn't... a desperate boyfriend wannabe. So before I turned into a bunny boiler I decided to just take a break from thinking about anything to do with that... and you know what... I've had more attension from guys this past few weeks then when I was on the lookout for a fella. Desperation isn't an attractive quality.

Then again it has been a few months since I've... well... got any... so I hope my new outlook on the situation doesn't turn into desperation when I end up gagging for it.

But less about sex on the brain...

The big sister is back at Uni... aswell as a lot of my old bum chums. Everyone seems to be settling great and having a blast. And I'm happy to know no one is having it hard... well no one I care about. I've managed to stay in touch with everyone I wanted to... so can't see me drifting away from anyone anytime soon.

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