I love you, but I love me more

“I’m looking for someone special”, “I’m fed up of being messed around”, “Why are there no good men out there”. Sound familiar? Of course it does. That’s you! Gloomy, miserable you! You complain like you’re the only person who has been hurt before, and everyone else has had it easy. Well let me hit you with some knowledge. Your not! Everyone has felt that way at some point or another. We’ve all said those exact words, or something similar, which includes connotations of hurt or regret! But what I wonder is who here can raise there hand, stand up and say, “I made out I was looking for someone special, when really I would have made do with anyone who made me feel special”, “God I messed him around a bit”, and “Why can’t I be bothered settling for someone when there are generally nice men out there”. You wanna know why? Because we have all at some point or another been selfish and shallow when it comes to a relationship.

I can honestly say, I have been selfish and shallow, for the simple fact, right now, I love guys, but I love me more. Am I having fun being single, of course. Do I want to be single, not necessarily? Contracting a bit perhaps? No! If someone came along, that “special person” we talk about so much, sure I would jump at the chance, otherwise anything other then that guy, why settle for your Average Joe, why settle for anything less.

So am I just sitting around waiting for Mr Right to knock on my door? Am I balls! Something long term can wait; something spontaneous is what I’m after at the present.

But what if I break a few hearts on the way? So fucking what! We all get our hearts broken at some point or another. The feeling that nothing is worth living for anymore, that everything is no longer as bright and colourful as it once was… blah blah blah! It’s about getting over it. Moving on!

And lets face it… if your not planning on breaking a few hearts from now… you most likely already have.

Sure there are a lot of dickheads out there who will make you feel like shit, but remember to someone else your most likely that dickhead who makes them feel like shit…

Job trial tomorrow!!!!!!

Heres the thing...

I have a job trial tomorrow in a salon called Urban Hair in Standish... I got told its a good salon... and they want a good hard working trainee... so they put my name forward!

I'm nervous... but excited at the same time... I really want a job in a salon... so fingers crossed its what I'm looking for... and I'm what they are looking for!

I keep thinking to much into it... I'm already planning on quitting next hehe... which I depending on the hours/shifts I'll be doing might not actually happen.

Anyway wish me luck... I don't know what I'll be expected to do... shampoo... blow-dry... or maybe just make cups of tea...

I'll try impressing them with my head massages... These hands of mine can work wonders... so hopefully I'll get a job out of it!

Eep....... so nervous hehe

x

The Heaton Clan!

I was talking with a friend the other day about our families. In recent years I have heard nothing but bad comments from people about their parents, sibilings, aunties, grandparents, like its a episode of Maury! And it has made me realise something. I love my family! And you know what I actually feel quite smug about it. Sure they piss me off sometimes, but then again most people piss me off half the time lol, but nevertheless I feel completely honoured to have the family I do.

My Mum- Can make a mountain out of a mole hill if I'm perfectly honest, but without being sexiest, thats most likely because she is a woman. However, she always has good intensions and other peoples needs before her own. I tell her everything about my life... even the stuff she doesn't want t hear... which I find amusing, as she gets all embarassed! Good times!

My Sister- I appreciate her more when she is away from home... because it means I look forward to seeing her when she returns. Shes the girl that knows everything about everything about me! She's the one who when your going round to a guys house to "hang-out", tells the parents "Mark's just gone from to Laura's or Becky's or Ryan's house". Great girl!

My Dad- Now as a few of my readers will know... I never got on with my Dad, and tbh I don't really want to focus on the past. What I like is the now. I like how accepting his is. How nothing I do seems to surprise him anymore. He's the guy I ask for a sneeky cig off because apparently "I've quit". And the guy that if I'm ever is serious trouble, he'll deal with it calmly and able to sort it out for you.

And most importantly... we all know how to drink like a fish!!!!!!!!

Man I feel like a WOMAN!

What a week!

The hair show went well... I was nervous... running off nervous energy! And now its over... and something to be proud of!

A massive thanks to Toni for being the best model I could have asked for. Committed, patient, and a little trooper!

Its weird... something gets so built up and planned in your head... then its over... I feel I have nothing to think about now, except my birthday!

Not long now and then I'll be 20... not a teenager, a propa adult! Good times! Or is it bad times!

Anyway its a birthday, which means only one think, drink, drink and more drink!

x

Right Its Time to Find a Man!

Is that really cliche! I don't do cliches... I always like to think my thoughts and feelings are slightly different to the norm to society... but maybe its not such a bad thing.

Pride is over... and I had a blast! Boozing, smoking, and maybe putting a sustances or two into my system which would be classified as illegal, but it was Pride... it only comes around once a year!

Anyway my point is this... I think I need to chance a few of my ways... as in things I do which as a result... could stop me finding a decent guy... and only attract the wrong type.

So heres my new plan:

• No drugs... not a quick spliff, not a line or two... nothing
• Cut down on the drinking... ano I sound boring... but I have only one liver... and I'm certainly pushing it to the limits!
• Cut down smoking... it is a filthy habbit but I love it... so I won't go cold turkey... maybe become a social smoker... I deffo need a pack or Lambert with me when I have a SOCO and Coke!
• Cut down on the take aways. Nights out + Waiting for a taxi = Cheese burger and chips! I wanna loose a few pounds and tone up a bit more.

Its a four point plan but hopefully I'll feel better in myself, and lets face it... the better you feel... the better blow jobs you give!

I'm not doing this for a guy in particular... and I don't feel I need to do this for anyone... I just want to.

Bad Sex

People make out that sex IS the be all and end all to a relationship! But is it actually possible to like someone who is really bad when it comes to making you... come!

Great sex can make someone who is a complete dick with you... into the man of your dreams. So is it possible that if the shoe was on the other foot, if the guy you get fucked by is really bad, does that make a protencial relationship doomed.

Bad sex is usually down to one thing... bad manners. If you're not getting yours, then he's not doing his chores! Sex to be great cannot be one sided. For example if your giving a quick hand shandy to someone, you are expected to get something in return. You shouldn't have to pleasure someone because you feel you have to... do it because you want to.

Women piss me off when it comes to them talking about giving head. Boring, horrible, vile, are a few connotations I've heard people use when talking about blow-jobs. We guess what girls, if your not enjoying it... the likely hood is neither is he. But then again the fact your going against your moral highground and actually doing it must count for something, even if it good, right?

But all this stress that you think about when it comes to sex. Am I good? Did he enjoy that? I hope I don't need to do that again? Makes sex to over rated and not a 'good' as it cracks up to be.

So maybe sex is just bad in general. Maybe we should all just be selfish and have good sex like ever other self centred prick. That way if we all fuck each other selfishly... we both get what we want.

The Big Question!

Its going to be a risky one!

And I don't wanna say what it is!

But I'm going to take the risk!

So wish me luck!

x