Right Its Time to Find a Man!

Is that really cliche! I don't do cliches... I always like to think my thoughts and feelings are slightly different to the norm to society... but maybe its not such a bad thing.

Pride is over... and I had a blast! Boozing, smoking, and maybe putting a sustances or two into my system which would be classified as illegal, but it was Pride... it only comes around once a year!

Anyway my point is this... I think I need to chance a few of my ways... as in things I do which as a result... could stop me finding a decent guy... and only attract the wrong type.

So heres my new plan:

• No drugs... not a quick spliff, not a line or two... nothing
• Cut down on the drinking... ano I sound boring... but I have only one liver... and I'm certainly pushing it to the limits!
• Cut down smoking... it is a filthy habbit but I love it... so I won't go cold turkey... maybe become a social smoker... I deffo need a pack or Lambert with me when I have a SOCO and Coke!
• Cut down on the take aways. Nights out + Waiting for a taxi = Cheese burger and chips! I wanna loose a few pounds and tone up a bit more.

Its a four point plan but hopefully I'll feel better in myself, and lets face it... the better you feel... the better blow jobs you give!

I'm not doing this for a guy in particular... and I don't feel I need to do this for anyone... I just want to.

Bad Sex

People make out that sex IS the be all and end all to a relationship! But is it actually possible to like someone who is really bad when it comes to making you... come!

Great sex can make someone who is a complete dick with you... into the man of your dreams. So is it possible that if the shoe was on the other foot, if the guy you get fucked by is really bad, does that make a protencial relationship doomed.

Bad sex is usually down to one thing... bad manners. If you're not getting yours, then he's not doing his chores! Sex to be great cannot be one sided. For example if your giving a quick hand shandy to someone, you are expected to get something in return. You shouldn't have to pleasure someone because you feel you have to... do it because you want to.

Women piss me off when it comes to them talking about giving head. Boring, horrible, vile, are a few connotations I've heard people use when talking about blow-jobs. We guess what girls, if your not enjoying it... the likely hood is neither is he. But then again the fact your going against your moral highground and actually doing it must count for something, even if it good, right?

But all this stress that you think about when it comes to sex. Am I good? Did he enjoy that? I hope I don't need to do that again? Makes sex to over rated and not a 'good' as it cracks up to be.

So maybe sex is just bad in general. Maybe we should all just be selfish and have good sex like ever other self centred prick. That way if we all fuck each other selfishly... we both get what we want.

The Big Question!

Its going to be a risky one!

And I don't wanna say what it is!

But I'm going to take the risk!

So wish me luck!

x

I'm such a dick!

I really am! Thats what peoples first impressions of me must be! Now I'm going to sound very sorry for myself in this blog post but fuck it... better out then in!

I make out I'm this amazing, care free guy... when really I'm the exact opposite. I do care what people thing... I'm not that amazing! What do you see when you first see me? To most people... a puff, a queen! When you wanna know something... despite what you might think... I'm not! Sure it might be obvious I'm queer... when you talk to me... I don't make it obvious. I have a personality don't I! My life isn't revolved around handbags and Vogue Magazine!

I'm fed up of being spoke to like shit! Sure I'm proud of the fact I'm quite blunt with people... but never would I talk to someone like shit... just for the sake of it... so don't talk to me like that!

First impressions of me... what our they? Most likely negative! Right? How can you keep telling yourself your a great person when so many people put you down. You can't? And evenutally you start to live up to reality. Your not the person you'd like to be.

I hate hating myself! So I put all those emotions in a tiny box in the back of my mind... but sooner or later that tiny box can't fit all the feelings you've kept lock inside. So they come spilling out! And your left to clean the mess up.

I'm such a dick!

A big sorry to the masses!

Recently I have realised something... something that I never wanted to ever happen in my life. I think it is all part and part of growing up and having important priorities but in the past few months (looking back now) I feel my priorities have all been to do with work and other related issues.

Without sounding like every other person on the internet but my life is focused a lot around the people I love, friends, family etc. But unfortunately I feel I haven't been giving these people my time. I'm finding it harder and harder to see people, whether its going out with the fags to manchester or just having a brew and a chat with an individual. And I'm not liking the situation.

Sure I still love them all and I don't feel I am growing appart from anyone I just feel that all my close friends I don't see as often as I would like to.

God I sound pathetic... there are worse things to worry about in life. So I hope this blog post doesn't come across as superficial.

Anyway I'm sorry to all those I love if lately I haven't seen much. But hopefully soon when I get a routeen back in my life you will once about be my number one priority.

:D

I'm so proud!

Of my big sister!

She got a 1st in here degree!!!!!!!

Well done Kat!

x

Love Your Friends

I was talking to one of my mates the other day about love. Love is one of the most complex and interesting topic everyone experiences on a daily basis. Whether its the love of your Starbucks Latte, or you love what you have done to your hair or even if its just the special feelings you have for someone in your life... there is usually only a small time span between each time we feel love for something.

Me and my friend discussed true love. Loving your Starbucks Latte isn't love... its a clone of a feeling you can only describe as love, but deep down you tell yourself that it is love and end up believing it. But the fact is love isn't exactly as great as society makes out. When a feeling of happiness falls upon you, love is a strong connotation of this emotion. So thus love is linked with happiness. Wrong. If love was that simple, then life would be simple. The simple feeling you have for a pair of Vivienne Westwood heels isn't true love. Its a copy.

I ramble on like I know what I'm talking about. But what I say is just my opinion. It isn't solid fact. I'm not trying to patronise anyone by making out I know the "in's" and "out's" of what love really is, because lets face it, I don't. Know one really does.

Recently I have fallen for someone. A friend. Do I tell them? I don't know? Do I really like them? That to I really don't know. Being single you always think the grass is greener on the other side and vise verser. So could these feelings just be respect I have for my friend and my mind is turning them into something more, something to try and fill an empty subconsious hole in my life. What are these feelings I speak of anyway. Is it love? Do I love my friend? Or do I just "love" my friend? Who knows.

The best solution to love is through time. Over time love can fizzle out, grow, or even fizzle out and then grow back. Time heels all wounds. Time allows things to blossom.