Well...

What a shit, tit wank, fanny bashing, cunt sucking time in my life!

Everything is feeling like shit! I'm really not over the one guy I've ever really liked and I feel miserable. He's swanning off with his new fella most likely and after months of not talking to him I still feel like I've got know where at all in getting over him!

And the stupid thing is I'm more pissed off with myself then him because I'm not getting over him! WTF is that all about! And since when have I ever cared enough about another guy to feel like this... NEVER!

And the most pathetic thing of all is I know for a fact I'd take him back in a heart beat if he just said... which makes me not only feel like a complete twat, but makes me pissed off even more because he has upset me soooooooo frigging much!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Baby I love you now and forever x x x

Before I posted a status on facebook... about how certain girls like to remind all there friends how much they love their darling children... It caused several of my friends to respond to this status... So I decided to blog about it.

Facebook is becoming more and more overused. Now some may think I've saying this in a negative way... quite frankly I'm not. It's turning into a machine where by every single emotion you feel throughout the day has to be facebooked and shared with the rest of the online community. Me being a nosey fucka enjoys reading the highs and lows of peoples everyday lives. Whoses seeing who. Whose pissed off with who. Who can't wait to go out with who tonight! Call me sad... but I know I'm not the only one among us who feels every status, is now hard solid fact, merely because it is FACEBOOK OFFICAL!

But to my main subject in this blog is aimed at the mums among the facebook community. The mums who remind us every 5 minutes how much they love their bundle of joy. The mums who post pictures of their little baby having a bath, eating a mashed up banana, having a turd on there bagpuss potty (very old skool btw!). I love it how the new generation of mums feel they have to report to us 10 times a day exactly what there 2 week old new born is doing. Now come on hun... I want to know whose dating who... not baby Kira has just smiled... because come on... lets face it... she most likely has just shit herself!

The more I think about it... the more it actually upsets me... When I was younger, the idea of a networking site would not have even been able to be described... as know one would have any idea how it would work. It would of been seen as more of a Big Brother theory... rather then reality! So my parents couldn't post status' about their precious little son waking them up at 3am because I wanted feeding. My mum couldn't constantly repeat how much she loved me very couple of hours... My childhood must be so incomplete!!!!!!!

Nevermind...

It might not be FACEBOOK OFFICAL, but I know they still do love me :P

Love you Mum and Dad x x x

It's really really not worth it!

Right I'm offically going back to my own ways I've decided... These past couple of weeks have tought me some valuble life skills.

I've always been able to emotionally detach myself from a guy when being close with them... some call it slutty, others say its creating a barrier to protect myself, I call it the best way to be!

If you want something from someone... within reason... you can quite easily go out and get it. When you like someone... things are completely different. You feel like you handling a situtation completely new to yourself, a siutation you seem to have no control over, and the fact you feel like you can't have the person... most likely mates you like the subject even more, wanting something you can't have basically.

Nevermind... you've always got them as a mate... better then nothing.

So fuck it... I'm young, free and single and ready to mingle!

x

Friends with a ex

Is it possible to actuall create a solid friendship with a ex... or is it a waste of time?

You dumped the guy for a reason so why bother trying to make the small talk with someone you didn't exactly want to spend time with... thats why he's now called a ex.

"I'm not ready for a relationship", ppl use that excuse willy nilly. However in some cases its actually true. A solid friendship with someone is nine times out of ten but better then any partnership... don't you agree! So maybe being friends with a ex shouldn't be as hard or complicating as you time!

These type of situations can only work tho if both beings involved both agree. But how do you know your both thinking the same? You can't very well just ask... breaking up with anyone creates all sorts of emotions, hatred, jealousy, angry.

No breakup is usually pretty. So maybe the end should just be the end.

Better still the beginning maybe should have never happened. Maybe friendship is just the say forward. No relationships... just friendships... and sooner or later if that friendship blossoms so be it... but if not... you still have a good friend you can love.

So maybe thats a lesson I've learnt from.

Don't look for love... look for a mate

God I'm one of them?

U know when you and your friend go out shopping or go for a coffee/drink and u see a guy walk past and your mate goes "OMG! My ex is over there, he's such a dick!" Am I one of those dicks! Have I just broke up with someone for no genuine reason what so ever.

They say you appreciate your single life so much more when your in a relationship, but when your single, you think, well I'm not any happier then when I was with them. Guess that's just guilt? Am I right?

Anyway I'll get over it. Suppose I'm being self-centred, I've not even thought how he might be feeling. Then again he could be thinking "Thank fuck that ended"... oh come on who we kidding... of course he ain't thinking that?

Started back at the gym... quitting the cigs... starting a new fresh...

Maybe that month on holiday from my singlehood has done me some good!

Lady Gaga is my life!!!!!!!!

Simple!

A blog from the bog

Not much to say... or you wanna know...

SOME PEOPLE!

I'm sooooooooo annoyed at some people in this world!

Some heartless, selfish people!

How can people treat others so badly when there are so many other bad things going on!

I wouldn't say I'm a perfect person... but never would I treat a person like shit when sometimes... sometimes they might need them most!

And how can some people feel so hard done by when others brush themselves down, wake up each day... can get on with things!

Some fucking people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you, but I love me more

“I’m looking for someone special”, “I’m fed up of being messed around”, “Why are there no good men out there”. Sound familiar? Of course it does. That’s you! Gloomy, miserable you! You complain like you’re the only person who has been hurt before, and everyone else has had it easy. Well let me hit you with some knowledge. Your not! Everyone has felt that way at some point or another. We’ve all said those exact words, or something similar, which includes connotations of hurt or regret! But what I wonder is who here can raise there hand, stand up and say, “I made out I was looking for someone special, when really I would have made do with anyone who made me feel special”, “God I messed him around a bit”, and “Why can’t I be bothered settling for someone when there are generally nice men out there”. You wanna know why? Because we have all at some point or another been selfish and shallow when it comes to a relationship.

I can honestly say, I have been selfish and shallow, for the simple fact, right now, I love guys, but I love me more. Am I having fun being single, of course. Do I want to be single, not necessarily? Contracting a bit perhaps? No! If someone came along, that “special person” we talk about so much, sure I would jump at the chance, otherwise anything other then that guy, why settle for your Average Joe, why settle for anything less.

So am I just sitting around waiting for Mr Right to knock on my door? Am I balls! Something long term can wait; something spontaneous is what I’m after at the present.

But what if I break a few hearts on the way? So fucking what! We all get our hearts broken at some point or another. The feeling that nothing is worth living for anymore, that everything is no longer as bright and colourful as it once was… blah blah blah! It’s about getting over it. Moving on!

And lets face it… if your not planning on breaking a few hearts from now… you most likely already have.

Sure there are a lot of dickheads out there who will make you feel like shit, but remember to someone else your most likely that dickhead who makes them feel like shit…

Job trial tomorrow!!!!!!

Heres the thing...

I have a job trial tomorrow in a salon called Urban Hair in Standish... I got told its a good salon... and they want a good hard working trainee... so they put my name forward!

I'm nervous... but excited at the same time... I really want a job in a salon... so fingers crossed its what I'm looking for... and I'm what they are looking for!

I keep thinking to much into it... I'm already planning on quitting next hehe... which I depending on the hours/shifts I'll be doing might not actually happen.

Anyway wish me luck... I don't know what I'll be expected to do... shampoo... blow-dry... or maybe just make cups of tea...

I'll try impressing them with my head massages... These hands of mine can work wonders... so hopefully I'll get a job out of it!

Eep....... so nervous hehe

x

The Heaton Clan!

I was talking with a friend the other day about our families. In recent years I have heard nothing but bad comments from people about their parents, sibilings, aunties, grandparents, like its a episode of Maury! And it has made me realise something. I love my family! And you know what I actually feel quite smug about it. Sure they piss me off sometimes, but then again most people piss me off half the time lol, but nevertheless I feel completely honoured to have the family I do.

My Mum- Can make a mountain out of a mole hill if I'm perfectly honest, but without being sexiest, thats most likely because she is a woman. However, she always has good intensions and other peoples needs before her own. I tell her everything about my life... even the stuff she doesn't want t hear... which I find amusing, as she gets all embarassed! Good times!

My Sister- I appreciate her more when she is away from home... because it means I look forward to seeing her when she returns. Shes the girl that knows everything about everything about me! She's the one who when your going round to a guys house to "hang-out", tells the parents "Mark's just gone from to Laura's or Becky's or Ryan's house". Great girl!

My Dad- Now as a few of my readers will know... I never got on with my Dad, and tbh I don't really want to focus on the past. What I like is the now. I like how accepting his is. How nothing I do seems to surprise him anymore. He's the guy I ask for a sneeky cig off because apparently "I've quit". And the guy that if I'm ever is serious trouble, he'll deal with it calmly and able to sort it out for you.

And most importantly... we all know how to drink like a fish!!!!!!!!

Man I feel like a WOMAN!

What a week!

The hair show went well... I was nervous... running off nervous energy! And now its over... and something to be proud of!

A massive thanks to Toni for being the best model I could have asked for. Committed, patient, and a little trooper!

Its weird... something gets so built up and planned in your head... then its over... I feel I have nothing to think about now, except my birthday!

Not long now and then I'll be 20... not a teenager, a propa adult! Good times! Or is it bad times!

Anyway its a birthday, which means only one think, drink, drink and more drink!

x

Right Its Time to Find a Man!

Is that really cliche! I don't do cliches... I always like to think my thoughts and feelings are slightly different to the norm to society... but maybe its not such a bad thing.

Pride is over... and I had a blast! Boozing, smoking, and maybe putting a sustances or two into my system which would be classified as illegal, but it was Pride... it only comes around once a year!

Anyway my point is this... I think I need to chance a few of my ways... as in things I do which as a result... could stop me finding a decent guy... and only attract the wrong type.

So heres my new plan:

• No drugs... not a quick spliff, not a line or two... nothing
• Cut down on the drinking... ano I sound boring... but I have only one liver... and I'm certainly pushing it to the limits!
• Cut down smoking... it is a filthy habbit but I love it... so I won't go cold turkey... maybe become a social smoker... I deffo need a pack or Lambert with me when I have a SOCO and Coke!
• Cut down on the take aways. Nights out + Waiting for a taxi = Cheese burger and chips! I wanna loose a few pounds and tone up a bit more.

Its a four point plan but hopefully I'll feel better in myself, and lets face it... the better you feel... the better blow jobs you give!

I'm not doing this for a guy in particular... and I don't feel I need to do this for anyone... I just want to.

Bad Sex

People make out that sex IS the be all and end all to a relationship! But is it actually possible to like someone who is really bad when it comes to making you... come!

Great sex can make someone who is a complete dick with you... into the man of your dreams. So is it possible that if the shoe was on the other foot, if the guy you get fucked by is really bad, does that make a protencial relationship doomed.

Bad sex is usually down to one thing... bad manners. If you're not getting yours, then he's not doing his chores! Sex to be great cannot be one sided. For example if your giving a quick hand shandy to someone, you are expected to get something in return. You shouldn't have to pleasure someone because you feel you have to... do it because you want to.

Women piss me off when it comes to them talking about giving head. Boring, horrible, vile, are a few connotations I've heard people use when talking about blow-jobs. We guess what girls, if your not enjoying it... the likely hood is neither is he. But then again the fact your going against your moral highground and actually doing it must count for something, even if it good, right?

But all this stress that you think about when it comes to sex. Am I good? Did he enjoy that? I hope I don't need to do that again? Makes sex to over rated and not a 'good' as it cracks up to be.

So maybe sex is just bad in general. Maybe we should all just be selfish and have good sex like ever other self centred prick. That way if we all fuck each other selfishly... we both get what we want.

The Big Question!

Its going to be a risky one!

And I don't wanna say what it is!

But I'm going to take the risk!

So wish me luck!

x

I'm such a dick!

I really am! Thats what peoples first impressions of me must be! Now I'm going to sound very sorry for myself in this blog post but fuck it... better out then in!

I make out I'm this amazing, care free guy... when really I'm the exact opposite. I do care what people thing... I'm not that amazing! What do you see when you first see me? To most people... a puff, a queen! When you wanna know something... despite what you might think... I'm not! Sure it might be obvious I'm queer... when you talk to me... I don't make it obvious. I have a personality don't I! My life isn't revolved around handbags and Vogue Magazine!

I'm fed up of being spoke to like shit! Sure I'm proud of the fact I'm quite blunt with people... but never would I talk to someone like shit... just for the sake of it... so don't talk to me like that!

First impressions of me... what our they? Most likely negative! Right? How can you keep telling yourself your a great person when so many people put you down. You can't? And evenutally you start to live up to reality. Your not the person you'd like to be.

I hate hating myself! So I put all those emotions in a tiny box in the back of my mind... but sooner or later that tiny box can't fit all the feelings you've kept lock inside. So they come spilling out! And your left to clean the mess up.

I'm such a dick!

A big sorry to the masses!

Recently I have realised something... something that I never wanted to ever happen in my life. I think it is all part and part of growing up and having important priorities but in the past few months (looking back now) I feel my priorities have all been to do with work and other related issues.

Without sounding like every other person on the internet but my life is focused a lot around the people I love, friends, family etc. But unfortunately I feel I haven't been giving these people my time. I'm finding it harder and harder to see people, whether its going out with the fags to manchester or just having a brew and a chat with an individual. And I'm not liking the situation.

Sure I still love them all and I don't feel I am growing appart from anyone I just feel that all my close friends I don't see as often as I would like to.

God I sound pathetic... there are worse things to worry about in life. So I hope this blog post doesn't come across as superficial.

Anyway I'm sorry to all those I love if lately I haven't seen much. But hopefully soon when I get a routeen back in my life you will once about be my number one priority.

:D

I'm so proud!

Of my big sister!

She got a 1st in here degree!!!!!!!

Well done Kat!

x

Love Your Friends

I was talking to one of my mates the other day about love. Love is one of the most complex and interesting topic everyone experiences on a daily basis. Whether its the love of your Starbucks Latte, or you love what you have done to your hair or even if its just the special feelings you have for someone in your life... there is usually only a small time span between each time we feel love for something.

Me and my friend discussed true love. Loving your Starbucks Latte isn't love... its a clone of a feeling you can only describe as love, but deep down you tell yourself that it is love and end up believing it. But the fact is love isn't exactly as great as society makes out. When a feeling of happiness falls upon you, love is a strong connotation of this emotion. So thus love is linked with happiness. Wrong. If love was that simple, then life would be simple. The simple feeling you have for a pair of Vivienne Westwood heels isn't true love. Its a copy.

I ramble on like I know what I'm talking about. But what I say is just my opinion. It isn't solid fact. I'm not trying to patronise anyone by making out I know the "in's" and "out's" of what love really is, because lets face it, I don't. Know one really does.

Recently I have fallen for someone. A friend. Do I tell them? I don't know? Do I really like them? That to I really don't know. Being single you always think the grass is greener on the other side and vise verser. So could these feelings just be respect I have for my friend and my mind is turning them into something more, something to try and fill an empty subconsious hole in my life. What are these feelings I speak of anyway. Is it love? Do I love my friend? Or do I just "love" my friend? Who knows.

The best solution to love is through time. Over time love can fizzle out, grow, or even fizzle out and then grow back. Time heels all wounds. Time allows things to blossom.

What a hangover?

Heres the deal. I'm embracing my single lifestyle. Every single single person has at some point said... "I love being single... I feel so free... So alive" and all the other cliche bullshit people try and convince themselves they actually believe when really... they're lying. Well in recent weeks I have turned these cliche declaratives into reality! I'm actually enjoying being single... and replacing a cock with a drink or two or three instead. And you wanna know something I'm having the time of my life.

For example last night... I went out with my gayboys, and had one of the best nights of my life! Sure I got off with guys... let a few guys grope me here and there... but this time it was for different reasons. Before hand if I got off with a guy and he decided to feel my bum or insisted I stroked his "big hard cock" I did it because I thought it made me feel good about myself... made me feel attractive... made me feel wanted... then the whole "Wanna come back to my house" conversation came up... and being a bit insercure the answer was usually ok... because I felt I need to carry on letting this guy grope me in order to make me feel better. But in past weeks my approach towards these guys... the ones who think if they shove a sambucca down your throat they can shove a finger up your arse... if I get off with someone... whether they are a gentleman or not... its because I want to... not because I need to. I'm doing things because I find it fun, not because I think its fun. I'm taking control of situations and saying no because I know the next day I wish I had said no. Sure this has resulted in a dry patch for me when it comes to getting laid. But I really don't care.

I'm happy and content... and even the biggest, hardest cock from the sexiest guy which would last a night can't make me feel any better then I do right now

:)