I'm such a dick!

I really am! Thats what peoples first impressions of me must be! Now I'm going to sound very sorry for myself in this blog post but fuck it... better out then in!

I make out I'm this amazing, care free guy... when really I'm the exact opposite. I do care what people thing... I'm not that amazing! What do you see when you first see me? To most people... a puff, a queen! When you wanna know something... despite what you might think... I'm not! Sure it might be obvious I'm queer... when you talk to me... I don't make it obvious. I have a personality don't I! My life isn't revolved around handbags and Vogue Magazine!

I'm fed up of being spoke to like shit! Sure I'm proud of the fact I'm quite blunt with people... but never would I talk to someone like shit... just for the sake of it... so don't talk to me like that!

First impressions of me... what our they? Most likely negative! Right? How can you keep telling yourself your a great person when so many people put you down. You can't? And evenutally you start to live up to reality. Your not the person you'd like to be.

I hate hating myself! So I put all those emotions in a tiny box in the back of my mind... but sooner or later that tiny box can't fit all the feelings you've kept lock inside. So they come spilling out! And your left to clean the mess up.

I'm such a dick!

A big sorry to the masses!

Recently I have realised something... something that I never wanted to ever happen in my life. I think it is all part and part of growing up and having important priorities but in the past few months (looking back now) I feel my priorities have all been to do with work and other related issues.

Without sounding like every other person on the internet but my life is focused a lot around the people I love, friends, family etc. But unfortunately I feel I haven't been giving these people my time. I'm finding it harder and harder to see people, whether its going out with the fags to manchester or just having a brew and a chat with an individual. And I'm not liking the situation.

Sure I still love them all and I don't feel I am growing appart from anyone I just feel that all my close friends I don't see as often as I would like to.

God I sound pathetic... there are worse things to worry about in life. So I hope this blog post doesn't come across as superficial.

Anyway I'm sorry to all those I love if lately I haven't seen much. But hopefully soon when I get a routeen back in my life you will once about be my number one priority.

:D